Rainbow Tarot Spread

This is my Rainbow Tarot Spread today... I started by writing down the questions and then doing a 15 minute chakra meditation. I then picked the cards and read what this particular deck's book said about each card, since each deck has different personalities.
How can I color more...
1. Stability, vitality, and abundance?
     Ace of Pentacles - a gift is coming, it already exists it is just being packaged up, ready for you to receive it in a way you will recognize. Use it well and be grateful. (I hope so! My arms are wide open!)
2. Sensuality, creativity, and enjoyment?
    2 of Wands - you love travel, change, and adventure.  Follow your gut and move ahead bravely. This is not time to stand still. (I am moving to Germany to be with my boyfriend later this year).
3. Confidence, success, and focus?
     7 of Swords - You MUST detach from the projected berating put upon you by others who are not supportive.  Consider your actions and come from a place of well designed plans and intentions.
(My caretakers and family have withdrawn emotional support and resources, and have haunted me with their expectations)
4. Relationship Harmony, Empathy, and Compassion?
    4 of Pentacles - Always be generous in whatever way you can, but also hold to your heart the resources you need to survive and thrive.  Learn from those who have been blinded by material greed. (Learning from my family's inability/ unwillingness to support me any longer).
5. Integrity, creative expression, and active listening?
    Queen of Cups - Fill your heart and words with love and inspiration. Let others learn from their mistakes, give them time and quietude, and tend to the needs of your heart.
6. Stillness, Clarity of Vision, and psychic power?
    13M Death - Let there be room for everything I know and understand to die, change, and transform. Allow myself to die and be reborn every day.
7. Oneness, Unconditional Love, and Bliss?
    King of Cups - Seek creative outlet and nurture your emotions. Manifest workable solutions from the heart, and you will without a doubt succeed in business, relationships, and life satisfaction. There is so much joy to be had!

I got an overall feeling of real sadness to this reading, in each picture there were dark clouds or looming mourning.  I picked one more card asking "How can I amp all this up for more HAPPY?"
9 of Pentacles - Achieve luxury by your own accomplishments. You can share your life with another because your inner world is hugely rich and beautiful (I am so ready to begin sharing my life with my boyfriend.)

I then went into meditation again and immediately saw a beam of light come into my room where my spirit guide (a merge of three James' in my mother's family) walk straight to my reading and point to the Death card. He told me to hold it in my hand and I did. I said, "Yes I know, I am so ready for change, I embrace the shift! I am completely ready for transformation!" and he shook his head and implied " This is so much more than your personal transformation, this is a shift and change much much bigger than you.  I then asked him "How do I get to the 9 of Pentacles?" and he said "You're already on your way, but right now you need to let the world nourish you." Then he sat and connected our third eyes with a beam of light. He pointed to the king of cups and said that it is not me, it is a condition. It is maybe a man who will meet death and produce the gift of the ace of pentacles.  I don't think it is a literal death but I don't know. I see it as being a man who has wealth of life but a yearning to shift things and make a transformation and share his wealth, but overall it reminds me of the much larger human condition.
Then he left letting me know I was always divinely protected and guided.

The Lesson

The Lesson

An exercise in discovering your driving powers

Starring Dumbledalf the wizard and Gwarp the lizard.

Gwarp: Get Real. The real world is out there and you are totally unprepared. It will hit you like a bus and destroy you.
Dumbledalf: The Real World? Where is this real world? Where are we now? Here we are. I think we’re here.
Gwarp: Nooo… the REAL world is where the real pain is. Work is hard. Life is hard. Money is hard to come by. Suffering is par for the course. You have to Give something to Get something.
Dumbledalf: Where have we been then? Are we now presently suspended in non reality? Aren’t we in a place where overcoming suffering is even more prevalent? Where generosity and miracles occur? Jenny, life is generous and abundant. Life and work are not here, not created to deplete you. They are here to help you to expand, to grow, and to shine brighter than ever before.
Gwarp: Oh sure! But you can’t just live off of dreams! You need money to survive, and you can’t get that by simply shining brightly.
Dumbledalf: Why not? The universe is infinitely abundant. There are no restrictions to where wealth and beauty and happiness can flow. The universe wants you to be fulfilled, useful, successful, healthy, and exuberant. You just need to trust that everything ever created wants this for you, and know that you are supported.
Gwarp: How can she be supported when everyone is telling her to “get real”, when the examples she has seen shows only turmoil, emotional and physical pain and suffering, and great loss after decades of toil?
Dumbledalf: It is important to recognize the suffering as the suffering itself, not the conditions that created it, and not the situations that were tied by the emotions. The real suffering was in the emotion, not the condition or circumstance. Jenny, your favorite heroes are successful because they flow with what they are meant to do, what fulfills their soul, what makes them “happy”.
Gwarp: What if she doesn’t have a purpose? What if God forgot to give her a mission while on this earth? What if she is a mistake, wandering pointlessly?
Dumbledalf: Existence itself is the purpose. Existence in itself is the way the universe expands and fulfills its’ mission. Your dharma is to live. Simply being is enough. In simply being the rest will guide you.
Gwarp: Well life has already proved to Jenny that she just can’t handle it. She’s tried every kind of job, every kind of situation, even work she “loves” and she still is exhausted and sick. Shouldn’t the right job just cure her?
Dumbledalf: It is important to separate the Reason with the Condition. God is not what happens to us, it is what gets us through what happens. The Conditions of the world are not in our control, but God and Peace are there to guide us through all conditions with love, so that we are fulfilled.
Gwarp: I still think if she just got on the right path, if she did the right thing, she’d be instantly cured. She’s sick because she’s done something wrong.
Dumbledalf: The illness is a Condition of the World. The illness is not God’s way of punishing her. She is not wrong. Peace and Love will get her through this challenge, moment by moment. In this way, she is open to Miracles. In this way she is open to Healing.
Gwarp: but if she just TRIED hard enough..
Dumbledalf: Resistance is what moves us away from our Source. She has fought hard to convince herself and others of some “proof”, some tangible thing that will validate her experience. There is no such thing. She is validated in every breath. She is validated just in being alive. She is worthy simply because she exists.
Gwarp: But still… kind of a waste of space, no?
Dumbledalf: The universe is infinite. There is no such thing as a waste of space.
Gwarp: but in the REAL world…
Dumbledalf: Where is this “real world”? What is this place?
Gwarp: … er…..
Dumbledalf: Worth and Success, no matter what your fellow humans may say, are not measured by dollars ,or job titles, or marriages, or material things. What matters above all else, is your peace, your happiness, because your existence literally is creating the world in real time. Your Worth is Infinite. Your Worth is more than one million dollars per cell in your body. Your Worth is the entire Worth of the Universe.

Recovery from ME/CFS Story, and the link to something bigger than us.

Little Bodhi', melt my heart!

True love is the desire to maintain the happiness of all beings impartially, regardless of whether we like them or not.

Ling Rinpoche

I have not posted for a while and need a little good Karma... I'm sick(got a yucky cold!), totally broke, and my family in all aspects is stretched thin "like butter spread over too much bread" (Tolkein).  I feel quite at peace in the eye of the storm, but pray for the wheel of dharma to keep on turning. Fill what is empty, and empty what is full.  Big changes are coming for me in the next few months, and while I am so excited and relish the thought of where I'll be sitting in 3 months time, I also pray so much for the happiness of those who surround me, and wish so much for their dreams and prosperity to come to fruition. 

Dear God,

Please open all our hearts and our minds to your infinite, universal prosperity and abundance.

We surrender to you all our debts, karmic and material, and we surrender to you all our wealth, karmic and material.  Open us up to receive abundantly. Allow your prosperity to flow through us in ways that serve the world.

Amen

Anything that does not allow the beauty and generous fertility of the universe to flow through us, will we destroy and un-create that now? 

YES

Right and wrong, good and bad, pod poc, all nines, shorts, boys, and beyonds.

Thank you.

http://beingyouchangingtheworld.com/ 

A great book on eliminating old and negative thought patterns and beliefs, with exercises to open you up to receive from the Universe in every aspect.

http://www.iamthedoc.com/ 

A really lovely and entertaining documentary on another way of looking at science, health, and our connection to things beyond our bodies and minds.

http://www.tarotize.com/ 

My favorite resource for tarot advice and learning.

This weekend is the Denver Metaphysical Fair , I am really hoping I get to go at some point, I would love to be surrounded by like minds! Just putting it out there, Universe!

Namaste to all.