Rainbow Tarot Spread

This is my Rainbow Tarot Spread today... I started by writing down the questions and then doing a 15 minute chakra meditation. I then picked the cards and read what this particular deck's book said about each card, since each deck has different personalities.
How can I color more...
1. Stability, vitality, and abundance?
     Ace of Pentacles - a gift is coming, it already exists it is just being packaged up, ready for you to receive it in a way you will recognize. Use it well and be grateful. (I hope so! My arms are wide open!)
2. Sensuality, creativity, and enjoyment?
    2 of Wands - you love travel, change, and adventure.  Follow your gut and move ahead bravely. This is not time to stand still. (I am moving to Germany to be with my boyfriend later this year).
3. Confidence, success, and focus?
     7 of Swords - You MUST detach from the projected berating put upon you by others who are not supportive.  Consider your actions and come from a place of well designed plans and intentions.
(My caretakers and family have withdrawn emotional support and resources, and have haunted me with their expectations)
4. Relationship Harmony, Empathy, and Compassion?
    4 of Pentacles - Always be generous in whatever way you can, but also hold to your heart the resources you need to survive and thrive.  Learn from those who have been blinded by material greed. (Learning from my family's inability/ unwillingness to support me any longer).
5. Integrity, creative expression, and active listening?
    Queen of Cups - Fill your heart and words with love and inspiration. Let others learn from their mistakes, give them time and quietude, and tend to the needs of your heart.
6. Stillness, Clarity of Vision, and psychic power?
    13M Death - Let there be room for everything I know and understand to die, change, and transform. Allow myself to die and be reborn every day.
7. Oneness, Unconditional Love, and Bliss?
    King of Cups - Seek creative outlet and nurture your emotions. Manifest workable solutions from the heart, and you will without a doubt succeed in business, relationships, and life satisfaction. There is so much joy to be had!

I got an overall feeling of real sadness to this reading, in each picture there were dark clouds or looming mourning.  I picked one more card asking "How can I amp all this up for more HAPPY?"
9 of Pentacles - Achieve luxury by your own accomplishments. You can share your life with another because your inner world is hugely rich and beautiful (I am so ready to begin sharing my life with my boyfriend.)

I then went into meditation again and immediately saw a beam of light come into my room where my spirit guide (a merge of three James' in my mother's family) walk straight to my reading and point to the Death card. He told me to hold it in my hand and I did. I said, "Yes I know, I am so ready for change, I embrace the shift! I am completely ready for transformation!" and he shook his head and implied " This is so much more than your personal transformation, this is a shift and change much much bigger than you.  I then asked him "How do I get to the 9 of Pentacles?" and he said "You're already on your way, but right now you need to let the world nourish you." Then he sat and connected our third eyes with a beam of light. He pointed to the king of cups and said that it is not me, it is a condition. It is maybe a man who will meet death and produce the gift of the ace of pentacles.  I don't think it is a literal death but I don't know. I see it as being a man who has wealth of life but a yearning to shift things and make a transformation and share his wealth, but overall it reminds me of the much larger human condition.
Then he left letting me know I was always divinely protected and guided.

Conscious Transformation Reading

I'm in a "growth spurt" of transformation, and struggling with ideas about work, money, and my physical energy.  Though I know it is neurotic, and a negative belief pattern that holds no real truth, somewhere deep in my brain is this nagging belief that in order to be prosperous I have to sacrifice something (joy, moral compass, energy/physical health) in return.  I am trying to rid myself of this belief and am using this reading in order to inspire me to let go and release into the next stage of my life, which is fast approaching (I can feel it!).
I've hit rock bottom, financially, but physically my health is still improving, and my spirit continues to grow and transform and go through the layers of pain and freedom.

1. Where am I stuck? The Knight of Wands shows me I'm struggling with confidence and inspiration.  I'm lacking in my ability to feel my personal power (so much red! passion! energy!), while I await a great big adventure and a bold, brash new life.
2. Where is life trying to take me? The Ace of Swords tells me I'm moving into (or trying to) a stage of life where intellect, communication, and clarity are hallmarks of my functioning. Truth, Powerful Truth, is trying to make its way into my life.
3. How can I release and move forward? The 7 of Wands tells me I'm sort of cornered by thoughts, or interpretations of peoples actions or attitudes, that diminish my confidence. Conviction will carry me through, and I should not give up my firm beliefs, but stand my ground as I wait this out.
4. What is life trying to teach me? The 2 of Wands shows me that there is a fork in the road, and I need to make a decision, but not with logic, with intuition. The physical world isn't making much sense and I need to use my gut and inner voice to move me forward.
5. Further Advice? The Knight of Cups boisterously reminds me to ENJOY! Embrace romance, love, and pure celebration! Don't get down and serious about this, life is here to enjoy, and this is all for you.
6. Outcome: The 2 of Pentacles shows me what I so yearn for : ease and magic in the juggling of all aspects of life.  I long so much to be strengthened by life, inspired by my work and joy, and to move forward with ease and balance.

Stay tuned, the next few months are going to be bumpy.  I have already labeled this next part of my life "Going through the Fires", and see exactly how this reading supports that.  Don't worry, I have a little bubble of joy around me, protecting me as I make my way through.