Lesson 72 in the course of miracles:
Holding grievances is an attack on God's plan for salvation.
I still struggle from time to time with the Christian language in A Course in Miracles, but I followed today's lesson instructions and chanted "What is my salvation, Father? Help me know my salvation".
This was a frustrating meditation because I don't know what salvation means, and I don't understand talking to a "Father". But I meditated. I gave myself more than 15 minutes because I had to keep reminding myself to stop chanting in my head and just LISTEN. I listened. I listened to the washing machine tumble and the de-humidifier hum. I heard thoughts and let them go. I flexed all my brain muscles to dis-engage with thought. I heard the birds chirping and the cars drive by outside. I heard a voice in my head get really frustrated and say " This is just a mind game! This is stupid! There's no god, there's no magic hippy spirituality, this is a mind game. This is a puzzle. This is all about your perception and letting go of story and seeing the truth with your mind. Let's go back to non-spirit. Let's go to non-duality. Let's go to where none of this stupid meditating stuff matters." Then I cleared my head again and sat quiet. And the answer was so clear and smack-dab-stupid-easy.
I heard a bird chirping right outside the window and a car drive by, and with clarity I heard "nothing matters. none of this matters. in the human experience everything is so very very dramatic, but here, HERE, nothing matters, so you might as well enjoy. "
And the peace, the clarity, the Knowing was there. I felt suddenly freed up of energy, empowered, and absolutely delighted to take on the contrast of problem and solution in this human life experience. This isn't an apathetic, "nothing matters", this is an energetic, endless possibility of "nothing matters". What an invitation to play.
And then I received Mike Dooley's email, A Note from the Universe:
Courageous is the soul, Jenny, who adventures into time and space to learn of their divinity. For while they cannot lose, they can think they have, and the loss will seem intolerable. And while they cannot fail, they can think they have, and the pain will seem unbearable. And while they cannot ever be less than they truly are - powerful, eternal, and loved - they can think they are, and all hope will seem lost.
And therein lies their test. A test of perceptions: of what to focus on, of what to believe in, in spite of appearances.